Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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