Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Randomize