Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Randomize
