Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
It's official drugs can't kill me
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
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