I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
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