so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
