my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
