I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize
