she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
Randomize
