He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
