The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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