Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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