Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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