Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
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