I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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