So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
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