ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We don't watch enough power rangers
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
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