I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
