As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
