and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
