So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
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