oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
