just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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