It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize