Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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