she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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