he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
