If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
