Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize