then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
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