tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
