How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Walk of Shame today included voting.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
