That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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