Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Randomize
