Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
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