I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
