Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
We need to get me chipped asap
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
