i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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