Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Randomize