I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Did we literally take a cab across the street
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
