I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
