Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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