she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
you're hired as official boob wrangler
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
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