and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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