she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Randomize
