Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
