I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
