I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
