Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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