go do what you do best...puke behind churches
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
