Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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