there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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