You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize