Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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