Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
