This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
