i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
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