Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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