His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
