I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
