would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
