franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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