You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Randomize
