If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
