Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
