We're like a lot better than the average bears
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
Randomize
