I've blown a few things in my day
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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