Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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