We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
