I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
