girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
