hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
