i wish peter jackson would direct porn
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
