I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
I didn't shave. On purpose
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize