I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
