I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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