Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
is this the sara with the beer cane?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
