Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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