Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Congratulations! We have a period
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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