why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Thank you for not boning my boss.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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