i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
