My hair reeks of homosexuality.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
