i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize