I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
