What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
