trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
