i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
