I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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