a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I came so hard my ears popped.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
how does that bad decision feel?
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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