Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize