I'm lost and stupid without you.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
