I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
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