i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Randomize
