Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize