If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Randomize
