just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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