From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
