i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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