I can tuck mytits in my pants
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Terrible idea I love it
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
