Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
