My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
