How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
