we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
