why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
