i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Randomize
