Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
Randomize