I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
