Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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