I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize