Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize
