I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
