It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
