I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
