You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
