I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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