Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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